Today I talked to two different friends about how to really find my true passion. Honestly, I was so naive. I never thought about this problem before. When I was in high school, I thought science and techonology were just so cool, and I wanted to be a scientist. In college, I wasn't even thinking about my future career! I was overwhelmed by school work and going abroad was my only goal. I just wanted to go to America. But this can't be ultimate. Staying in America is a state of life, but this can't be the goal for career. 

Now I'm puzzled about love, about research, and also I start to think about this huge life problem. Some people are lucky, they have found the answer to this question in the early stage of life. Like my CS friend who is an experienced programmer by now, and my musician friend who is very accomplished. They both enjoy their occupation, and they are happy. Of course I know there isn't an easy career, unless you truly want an oridinary and plain life. That's not what I want for sure. I long for freedom and adventure. I want to do something meaningful with my life, to me and to others! 

How come I was so naive?? I don't even know myself. What are my strong and weak points? Do I have the talent to be an engineer?? To what extent do I love programming?? To what extent do I love music??

Sometimes if I hate something, I doubt: whether it is because I can't do it well so I hate it? Or is this simply just not my interest? 

After studying in the field of engineering for so many years, I think I at least gained the ability to see the world via the eye of an engineer. The way I think also got shaped by intensive study. However, there's still a long way for me to go. Now I look back, my knowledge foundation of Electrical Engineering is not solid at all! I need to review basic engineering stuff, advanced mathematics, digital design, and programming!

I now understand why with so much homework and staff to do I still decided to go the camping this weekend, well not me decided, but Father had called me to go. It has been a wonderful weekend, away from the city, away from all the grinds of school work and everything. Take a moment, to appreciate the beauty of creation, to meditate, to serve, to spend time with God.

To go to this camp is an incredible experience to me. I'm in a dangerous situation of myself. Being procrastinated, self-centered, easily-provoked, I'm lost. Like the lost lamb of the herb, I couldn't find my place. Having experienced loneliness, hatred, betrayal, everything I have known beautiful had gone. But God has not forgotten me. Thanks to YL, I have found my place here. At first it wasn't easy for me to be around with everyone, because I was new to the group and was so nervous to talk. But having been working together on the landscaping, and cleaning... we formed such a good team and we cooperated so well! The lesson is great: this work is crazy, but when is the last time that I serve others? when is the last time I jump out the circle "me me me" and think about others and serve God? Nope! I got completely lost in my own little disturbing world, living every day without a meaning. That's also probably why I procrastinated so much. However in Trail West, I got up at 7:30 with everybody, go to work at 8. We moved rocks, laid gravels, and built such a beautiful garden! I even used a shavel to move the gravels! My arms are still in pain now! But but but, my mind has changed during the day. God was teaching me a lesson by those work. We felt so accomplished by the end of the day. Even though every one was pretty tired, we gathered and praised God and shared our reflections. We had such a wonderful moment.

The walk on Sunday was incredible, too. Being in the woods, surrounded by the mountains, we had our quiet moment with God. I walked along the trail, feeling the piano playing by my ear. I've never been to close to nature, so quiet with myself that I hear only my thoughts and mind. I feel the breeze, the cloud, and most incredible of all, God is with me. 

The Italian,and Mexican food was good; the hot tub was good, but God has touched my heart through this camping. And I couldn't be more thankful for YL and everyone in the group. It's been an amazing weekend.